Are My Children Going to Make It?
By R. Wayne and Leslee S. Boss
Synopsis: This book was written in 1991 to parents of LDS families to help them in rearing their children in a positive and healthy way that will result in them growing up as good members of the family, society, and the Church, as well as fit inheritors of God's kingdom. It is based off of a project that the authors were commissioned to write for their stake. It uses the teachings of the prophets and the programs of the Church, rather than experts in the field of social sciences, to act as the foundation of discussion. A collection of anecdotes from parents within the Church was a major source of material for this book.
Strong Points: This book is presented well, and I liked the format. Each chapter was opened with a vignette of a real family interaction relating to the subject at hand, and then a relevant discussion of the matter followed. Each chapter contained practical advice, as wells as stories or experiences from real parents or children, showing the principle in action. The chapters are (usually) short, which makes the book readable. They are also instructive and practical, and so a parent will find them helpful in raising the quality of their parenting efforts. Great ideas like the “Good Neighbor Policy” of how to treat your kids, or “Covenant Interviews” with how to hold you and your kids accountable, and how to help kids make choices and deal with problems themselves, are found throughout the book. I especially appreciated the emphasis put on the teachings of the prophets as the foundational guides to our parenting.
Weak Points: Some parents will be disappointed to find that the book is highly weighted towards preventative measures rather than corrective measures. For instance, there is only a single chapter on dealing with rebellious children. Perhaps this is for good reason: as they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. And there reaches a point where children are simply too old for their parents to mold and craft into the person they should become, and the end product is already realized. Parents with hopelessly rebellious older teenagers will not find much in this book that will help them at the juncture they find themselves in, as by that time it will likely be too little too late; unless, perhaps, they are extra diligent in changing their parenting to conform to these principles and a miracle occurs with their child. Also, the last chapter about resources to help parents (such as “audiotapes,” etc.) was a little dated, having been written from the 1991 perspective. But if one puts it into the context of our current era, the principles still apply. And also, there was no concluding chapter to the book, which felt strange because it just dropped off after the outdated technology discussion and the reader is left without that sense of closure.
Interesting: 3/5
Must Read: 2.5/5
Overall: 2.9/5
Pages: 244
Selected Quotes: “Our children will go to someone for advice in times of trouble. They will ask someone for help when they need it. They are going to pattern their lives after someone. In short, someone is going to be our child’s best friend. Why not nominate ourselves for the position of that someone?” (p. 37).
“Most of us go out of our way to be friendly and cordial with our neighbors. Very seldom do we get angry with them when they make mistakes that don’t directly affect us; and even when a mistake may affect us, we try to be tolerant and understanding. We accept their idiosyncrasies. If they’re having problems, even if they’ve caused the problems themselves, we feel concern about their plight. Sometimes, when asked, we offer advice. We also provide support, and we help when we can.
“However, when it comes to our own children, we often forget that the same laws apply. We tend to overreact. We may scream, yell, threaten, and intimidate them. As a result, we temporarily – and sometimes permanently – damage our relationships with them. They may begin to distrust us or put up defensive walls. Then we become perplexed when our children talk not to us but to others about their problems. Children confide in people who treat them with respect and who value their friendship. The simple truth is that family members would have many more friends inside the family if they treated each other the way they treated their good neighbors.” (p. 47).